The "Billy Bob" Series

by John Pillsbury

Contents (Click on any divider between poems to return here.) Billy Bob Honkytonk Pirate Car Lot Jimmy Jed Movin' Up the Ladder Tax Time Las Vegas The Nurse from Hell The Curse Motorcycle Billy Bob's Christmas Too Late Billy Bob's Revenge Despair The Choice The Trade The Quirk The Shack City Cafe Irate Woman Should a Stood in Bed And Then There Were None The Cure Wise or Otherwise Haunted Shack? Billy Bob feelin' good this mornin'-lookin really smart got brand new clothes yesterday-bought em at walmart i'm a headin' into beaumont-lookin' for a job wasn't goin' on no interview lookin' like a slob saw two jobs in the paper and they both paid good one was for an accountant-the other was a choppin' wood first i applied for the accountant's job-the interview went fine after a couple of minutes he said the job was mine wanted me to start right away-they was in a mess said the reason he hired me-i thunk like the irs they took me to my new office-it had a name on the door so i'll have to change my name- i wont be billy bob no more though i wont be billy bob-i'll still be just the same and if you need to call me-hr bloch is my new name Honkytonk Pirate Walked into the honky tonk- supposed to meet a friend Sidled to the bar- took a seat down at the end The juke box was a blarin'- you could hardly hear I hollered to the bartender- is the honky tonk pirate here? He brought me a beer- threw in a twist of lime Said- you know the pirate- he could come in anytime A lady at a table gave a little wave I rubbed my hand across my chin just to check my shave I ambled to her table- asked her if i could sit She said she liked company and wouldn't mind a bit Asked her if she'd like a drink just to break the ice She gave me a great big smile and said that would be nice She said she drank pirates plunder- they make the best in town So i sauntered to the bar and laid a fifty down I watched the feller mix her drink- thought things were goin' fine Then when he brought my change it was a dollar twenty-nine I wondered how this little gal was goin' to be able To drink all that booze and stay above the table She tipped it up and drank it down without a bit of trouble Set it down and then she said i think i'd like a double I said i wouldn't mind a bit- no problem at all But first i had to make a stop to answer nature's call I walked into the men's room- the window was open wide In less than a minute i was back outside Then i saw the pirate and 'fore i had time to think I told him about a gal in there he oughta buy a drink I waited by the window and i began to fret When over an hour went and he ain't come out yet I walked back in the bar worried about my pal Saw him at the table drinkin' with that gal She wasn't drinkin' plunder- she was sippin' beer They was both a-chucklin'-strange things happenin' here Then it hit me like a brick- course it was too late The pirate had set me up and i'd financed his date The bartender came over- had a smile as he spoke Said son, you just got bit by an old honkytonk joke You can get even- i'm here to tell you how From this moment- you're the honkytonk pirate now Car Lot i walked onto the car lot- my fliver'd broken down since it wouldn't run no more- i hitchhiked into town the prices on the windows- they were pretty steep back in the corner lot i spied a beat up jeep the salesman showed me a pretty car-said it was a steal pushed me toward his office-said we'd make a deal he showed me the payments with all the stuff and such the figures took my breath away-it was way too much he showed me another car- it had a little rust he assured me that the engine was one that i could trust he added up the numbers-it seemed to me so far this man was tryin' to sell a house-not a rusty car i asked him to show me the jeep parked in the corner lot he looked at me, shook his head and said he'd rather not i told him an old jeep like that would surely fit my needs it probably has a stick shift and at least five speeds oh yes, it's got those-you're absolutely right but it's the only car i trust to get me home at night Jimmy Jed Since my old car had died - I'd done a lot of walkin I'd been to all the lots - done a lot of talkin Now my very best boots are wearin mighty thin Pretty soon they're gonna be the shape my car is in If I'm gonna save these boots - I'd better do somethin fast Only another day or two is all that they will last This moped with the a for sale sign was parked up in this yard I thought I might make a deal - at least I'd try real hard I knocked on the front door - a man answered lookin mean I told him I would like to know all about that there machine The owner told me it's in real good shape - it has lots of power You can race up and down the road at twenty-two miles an hour Well right away it seemed to me that was pretty slow On the other hand it was faster'n my boots or car could go We worked out the details and it did appear I'd be makin payment for about a year I was pretty happy as I rode back to town I just saved my boots and didn't put nothin down Now that I've got transportation things are gonna go good My friend Billy Bob gonna get me a job a choppin wood. Movin' Up the Ladder the higher-ups in the company sent this letter in the mail it said answer all the questions- return this without fail you're being considered for promotion- that's why you're sent this form carefully considered answers determine your standing among the norm first thing was state your name-state?- Texas Billy Bob they knew that- i told them when i got this job then they asked about address- you'd think they'd realize ain't a walmart in Texas sells dresses near my size then there was the word sex and a tiny little line wasn't even room to write that i liked it fine they asked my position- i said that i was sittin' to take this test lying down don't seem to be quite fittin' next said list dependents- well there's 'dependence mo. dependence hall and declaration of that's all that i could cram in the little space above next they asked where i'd like to be in another five years i could use a crystal ball is the way this appears jimmy jed said disney world was somethin' to see so in five years that's where i'd like to be just got this test this mornin'- finished it 'fore noon i expect i'll get promoted- probably real soon Tax Time here it is - tax time and all, we wuz pretty busy had so many customers i wuz gettin' dizzy some folks callin' me Billy Bob- others H R Bloch had so much work to do I wuz goin' round the clock with the IRS cheatin' my customers- customers cheatin' the IRS which was the biggest bunch of crooks was anybody's guess some wuz gettin' refunds- some wuz payin' more some wuz leavin' happy- some wuz leavin' sore the whole situation weren't the least bit funny every single customer wuz payin' too much money seems as the guvment is an awful greedy bunch oh well- can't worry now- time to go to lunch Las Vegas we got to the airport- they made us stand around that's ok- i'm happiest when my feet are on the ground we were goin' to las vegas- the nevada gamblin' town they had all convinced me what went up was gonna come down I knew it was gonna come down- I hoped not in a crash i'd hate to see that big old plane become a pile of trash the fella with the stripes on his sleeves was the one a gonna fly it I worried that I weighed too much- shoulda gone on a diet when we was gettin' on was when this little lass said mr. bloch there's been seating changes-your seat is now 1st class now i'm an easy goin' man- not much to complain my mama told me to see the flowers- you had to take the rain right then I was nervous- my mind not quite on track if i'd been thinkin' right i'd a asked for money back the engines started roarin'- I closed my eyes real tight and that's the way I was for the entire flight now we're in the airport- my feet back on the ground lookin' for transportation- we're casino bound then I heard the speaker- mr. bloch you have a telephone call tried to think who that might be- didn't know no one at all the voice on the telephone said they'd take good care of me they was sendin' out a limo- accommodations would be free seems my luck has changed ever since I changed my name once I gave up billy bob nothin's been the same the limo was on it's way- we'd have a little wait I was gettin' hungry-it's been a while since I ate they had these fruit vending machines with cherries, oranges and plums I put in three quarters- the fruit salad never comes I pulled the handle for the coin return- the alarm began to toot I put my hands up in the air-afraid the guard might shoot the quarters kept on comin' out- some were rollin' on the floor I didn't mean to break it- I won't fool around no more a lady in a skimpy dress said oh lucky you you've hit the super jackpot for a million two this was the craziest thing that i'd ever seen they was gonna pay me for breakin' their machine my vacation was ruined- you could see it on my face them quarters was much too heavy to tote from place to place they saw I had a problem- they took the whole amount put it on deposit- I had a bank account a fella with a drivers cap just got off the tram he asked me if I were mr. bloch- "I said yes I am" he said to follow him- the limo was outside I gathered up my friends - we was goin for a ride there was buttons everywhere- I guess I pushed them all the driver asked first time in a limo doc- I said "one this small" we finally got to the place where we was gonna be stayin' they took us right to our rooms since we wasn't payin' on the way I saw these two gals pushin' quarters in a machine they could push them quarters faster'n i'd ever seen while they pumped them quarters they was drinkin' coke and jack I wondered if they'd still be there time that I got back I don't know if them gals was twins- but I noticed after a time they really wasn't identical- one had a twist of lime when I got to the room I thought of the day's events totaled up my expenses- it was- uh- 75 cents thought i'd best balance my check book- that's what us accountants do one deposit hadn't written no checks-pretty soon I was through I looked all through the rooms- didn't see no one guess it's time to go to the lobby and to have some fun I stopped at this table-they was playin' cards for money being an accountant I could see that things were funny the dealer had but seventeen- the player had twenty three the dealer took the player's money- looks like cheatin' to me then when it happened again to the fella on the stool I knew he couldn't count- must be some kinda fool then I saw them same two gals- they hadn't even slowed what was a puzzlement- them machines hadn't overflowed I saw more of them fruit salad machines- felt a little sad if I broke another somebody was a gonna get mad I went and watched a poker game- believe this or not the dealer was a stealin' a little from each and every pot if this place was tryin' to cheat me-they was in for a shock they mighta bamboozled billy bob- they ain't cheatin' h r bloch then this gal came up to me- asked if i'd like a drink I knew her from somewhere- I needed time to think when it all came to me- I ordered pirates plunder she gave me a funny look and she began to wonder then she said I know you- you're billy bob I knew you back in beaumont fore I got this job she said i'm really sorry- they don't serve plunder here I said I didn't think so- i'll have an ice cold beer bein' polite I asked her if she'd heard from jimmy jed she said he'd soon be there- he was ridin' out on his mo-ped she said he left four days ago- should be arrivin' soon probably at the latest- tomorrow afternoon I told her to tell jimmy jed that I wasn't sore if he needed a place to stay come to the top floor I finished up the beer- started lookin' for a snack didn't want to gain no weight- I was flyin' back I asked the plunder gal bout bar-b-que or even chicken fried steak said she'd be glad to show me soon's she got her break pretty soon we went outside- it was a scorchin' day we saw a cloud of polution and it was headin' our way when the cloud got to us it just stopped dead and out of that black cloud stepped my friend jimmy jed if this mo-peds to live- we best all kneel and pray i'm afraid she's lived too long and this is her last day I asked him when the funeral was- he cuffed me on the ear said he was happy that it got him here I asked about his job- he was supposed to be a choppin' wood he said what had happened was that he chopped too good soon as the wood ran out- they gave me a little vacation i've come to las vegas for a little recreation I told him about the goin'ons inside and how the house was cheatin' right away he understood- didn't need no repeatin' we stood around and chatted a while- soon I could see jimmy jed and the plunder gal wasn't in need of me I went to the coyote cafe-the waitresses name was brook later i'd tell jimmy jed to come and take a look brook was real pretty-the service was just fine the only place i'd seen where you didn't stand in line I looked at the menu- had to supress a sigh eight dollars for a hamburg seemed much too high I paid the eight dollars- left a quarter tip now i'd spent nine dollars- a pretty expensive trip it was obvious- money here went fast i'd have to be more careful for that million two to last thought i'd go up to my room- watch a little tv there I wouldn't be spendin' money-everything was free there was a telephone- since I don't like ridin' in the sky i'd try to find an airline that didn't fly so high when I didn't have no success- I decided then and there there wasn't no airline gonna take me anywhere then I packed my bag- this weren't no place for me I was headin' for the truck stop where the truckers be God willin' and with a little luck i'd be ridin' back to beaumont in a texas truck The Nurse from Hell Billy bob was awful sick- needed to get well Checked in at the hospital- met the nurse from hell Took one look at her- his temperature began to rise To see such beauty there was a complete suprise Forgot he was feelin' bad- thanked the Lord above For directin' him to that hospital, straight to his true love The nurse saw billy bob and she knew right away That her life had changed- her new life began today Billy bob knew it happens, in TEXAS quite a lot Fellas that date married gals often end up shot Course he couldn't help himelf- he was completely lost He had to be with this nurse no matter what the cost Billy bob was healthy again, he had gotten well Still he wasn't happy- he missed that nurse from hell Knew he had to see her again- she was his every thought Had to find a place to meet where they wouldn't get caught He pondered on his problem- looked at all the facts Then he got the answer- he'd do her income tax He called her on the telephone and she agreed Income tax three nights a week would exactly fit the need He told her how to get there- his name was on the door Located in the shopping center- over the hardware store She had to wait a bit til everyone else had went Then they'd have hours together- hours to be well spent He wanted to impress his nurse- wanted things exactly right Went out and bought a pizza and a six pack of lite Billy bob wanted things to go perfect on their very first night Pizza was on the table- they'd eat by candle light The radio was a playin' an old country song Billy bob was waitin' for his nurse to come along After a little bit he heard the doorbell ring Billy bob was speechless- he couldn't say a thing He took nurse in his arms- his hands a little bold He knew he'd hafta stop- the pizza was a-gonna get cold He put a cover on the cage when his parrot started sqwaaakin Their first date was spent a-doin' not a-talkin' The time went so very fast- too soon it got too late And billy bob knew then and there he'd found the perfect mate The Curse Billy met nurse three nights a week- weekends were taboo That left him four nights without a thing to do Every time he thought of nurse his eyes began to tear And here it was, Saturday night, he should be a drinkin' beer He went to the honky tonk- took a stool at the end Thought he'd lose his loneliness if he could find a friend Bartender said "hi pirate- how ya doin' tonight" billy bob with a weak smile said "Guess i'm doin' alright" "lots of new gals in tonight if you plan to stay the two gals at the table are bungie and maggie may cook master's in the kitchen- his speciality is pizza pie silver's at the end of the bar- she's sittin there with shy when they named her shy i dont know what they meant she may be short on words but her actions are eloquent silver, she writes verse, does it all the time even when she talks to you it may come out in rhyme doll, spirit and casper are doin' their little dance go on over boy- don't be afraid to take a chance and look what came in the door- ain't she a beauty don't just sit there- go and do your duty jeans may be in later- right now she's baby sittin' minnie mama stayed at home to catch up on her knittin' just don't get carried away till you see innie sweet heard a couple of stories that i ain't a-gonna repeat see that there young one- thats baby blue don't mess with her- she'll break ya in two" billy bob looked 'round the room- then began to smile since he'd seen a collection like this- it'd been a long long while the bartender said "take your pick- 'course there is a curse there ain't a single one of them that doesn't know your nurse Motorcycle Billy Bob was busy three nights a week- idle the other four Didn't dare go to the honky tonk- afraid his nurse'd get sore 'Cuz at the honky tonk there was still a curse Every gal that went in there was a good friend of his nurse Thought if he bought a Harley- he could do some ridin' He could take nurse out of town- wouldn't have to be hidin' Went to the cycle shop- spied a green machine Thought it was the prettiest thing that he'd ever seen He looked at the price tag to see what he had to spend Seemed they wanted an arm and a leg and half of his rear end He looked at the price again- it was a whole lot of money Thought somebody'd writ that there a-tryin' to be funny The salesman came over- started talkin' to Billy Bob Told him he could finance if he had a job The salesman figured the payments- Billy Bob went pale Salesman said "you're lucky- tonight this machines on sale Tomorrow it goes up again- you better git her now" Billy Bob would make them payments- just hadn't figured how Billy Bob rode the Harley out a-grinnin' ear to ear He would make them payments- just had to give up beer Course if things got too bad he knew what he could do He had that Vegas bank account with a million two. Billy Bob's Christmas Christmas eve and Christmas was the loneliest time of the year His friends were all with relatives at home a-drinkin' beer The restaurants weren't open- the ice house closed up tight Even the old honky tonk wasn't open tonight Where he'd have Christmas dinner he didn't rightly know Maybe at a convenience store- probably the Stop-and-Go New year's was better- everything was poppin' Christmas was the opposite- everything was stoppin Thought he'd go to his office up over the hardware store If he couldn't find anything else he could work some more It was just the same last year so he knew that he could bear it If worse came to worse he'd start talkin' to the parrot Too Late Billy bob was still at work- it had been a hectic day five o'clock had come and gone and still he had to stay supposed to meet nurse that night- he was gonna be late he couldn't help it- she'd just have to wait looked at the telephone-thought he ought a call but once he got on the harley it would be no time at all he was a-hurryin'- doin' the things he had to do thought in just a jiffy he was gonna be through billy bob looked at his watch- he was an hour behind then he thought of his nurse- figured she wouldn't mind billy jumped on his harley- barreled from the lot throwin' dirt and stones everywhere- he was ridin' hot soon he arrived- nurse wasn't there looked all around- couldn't find her anywhere asked a fella standin' there- and the fella replied a big guy with a honda took her for a ride Billy Bob's Revenge Gorgeous came to galveston- she came to spend a week Saw her on the beach- said hi- she wouldn't speak of all the girls on the beach- she's the one that caught my eye wanted to get to know her- was goin' to give it a pretty good try i tried all morning- she wouldn't even look at me she kept workin' on her suntan and lookin' out to sea i warn't doin' no good- got the harley and started to go when she saw the harley a little smile began to show she got up and came toward me with her long legged stride caressed the seat of the harley then asked me for a ride i'd been tryin' all mornin'-doin' my very best it took one look at the harley for me to pass the test she got on the harley- let the wind blow through her hair i was pretty happy 'cuz she was sittin' there we rode the coast road- right by the sea then her arms came up and she was huggin' me i took her to the honky tonk-she didn't know about the curse i was sure someone there would go and tell the nurse Despair Billy Bob's tryin' to get back with nurse- wasn't havin' no luck at all Sent her flowers and everything- she wouldn't return his call He was spendin' some time at the honky tonk- sippin' a little beer They was talkin' about nurse at the table- he could overhear Seems nurse was goin' with this other guy- ridin' on his honda Guess this other fella was the one that nurse was fonda Billy didn't want to hear those things- they only made him sad Then he heard some other things that made him really feel bad Billy remembered the other night- they was supposed to have a date Thought he was payin' an awful price for bein' a little bit late He had to leave the honky tonk- he'd only had two beers Couldn't stay any longer- his eyes were full of tears The Choice Billy bob's days seemed awfully long- the nights were even worse He knew it had been three weeks or more since he'd seen his nurse He was workin' late again- up over the hardware store Just when he was finishin' up there was a koockin' at his door He wondered who that could be- saw the nurse a-standin' there Happily he let her in- sat her in his best chair She said i'm sorry billy bob- i guess i ain't been kind But i've got several things that's troublin' on my mind Everybody thinks it's the other guy that i'm kinda fonda Never even liked him much- but sure do love his honda Now if you would sell your harley and buy a new gold wing Then it could be the way it was and we could do our thing Billy bob had two loves- his nurse and his harley machine To make him choose between them seemed to be downright mean The nurse waited patiently- she didn't realize The thought of giving up either brought tears to billy's eyes Billy bob knew the problem- now he had to choose He knew that either way- he was the one to lose The Trade Billy bob wasn't feelin' too good with the nurse, the honda and all He knew if the nurse came back they would have a ball Thinking about trading- he rode to the cycle shop Thought he'd talk to a salesman- see if he could swap Billy got the figures- saw it was something he could swing Just had to sign the papers- he'd own a new gold wing Then the fella with the honda rode by- the nurse on the back a smilin' Billy saw the whole thing- found it to be quite rilin' He tore the paper in little pieces- walked right out the door Thought to himself i've had it- ain't gonna take no more Got on his harley- headed for the nearest phone Thought if he called gorgeous he would't feel so alone Gorgeous wasn't nearby- she lived a couple a states away But billy wanted to talk with her-see what she had to say He told her of his problems- asked what he should do She said "i'm sorry billy bob but the whole thing's up to you We had a grand time riding- riding along the wall Honda or harley--makes no difference at all Coming back to see you early in the spring Honda harley or roller skates- they don't mean a thing Billy left there smiling- he'd something to look forward to Thought selling the harley was something he'd never do The Quirk Billy bob had gorgeous, his harley and his work But way back in his mind there still remained that quirk He'd almost forgotten her- almost but not quite The nurse came in his dreams- he saw her every night When he saw her in his dreams they were still a datin' In his dreams she'd changed a lot- wasn't manipulatin' Then in the mornin' when the dreamin' was all through Billy felt extra sad because it wasn't true He heard through the grapevine nurse had left her spouse He'd ridden a hundred times or more slowly past her house He heard a little later nurse had moved away Gone to her sisters and there she planned to stay He wondered where the sister lived- someone ought to know If he could find out he'd ride by there real slow Billy'd done 'bout all he could- if a meeting would occur The nurse would have to come around--he was leavin' it to her Bikers Nurse went to her sister's--she seemed to disappear Yet Billy Bob felt in his heart that the nurse was near Ever since they'd broke up Billy's days were all the same Go to work, drink a couple of beers and watch a football game Billy Bob got on his Harley--thought if he took a long, long ride He'd forget the nurse for a while--still the unrest inside Billy felt the wind in his hair- had a smile upon his face Saw a biker far ahead and then began the chase Billy poured it to the Harley--gave it everthing Pulled hehind the other bike--saw the emblem--gold wing Looked at the back of the rider--he'd know her anywhere Was the nurse from hell- a ridin right up there He pulled up beside her--they each had a great big smile They rode side by side for maybe another mile They pulled into a picnic area--he figured their need to talk Billy took nurse's hand in his--they went for a little walk Nurse said Billy I missed you, didn't know what to do So I bought this Honda so that I could ride with you They rode slowly back to town--smilin' and a-singin' Billy ridin' his Harley while nurse was a-gold wingin'. The Shack Billy took nurse ridin'- took her to the old homestead Ever since '89 both maw and paw were dead Billy Bob was taken aback to see the place so overgrown Thought of maw and paw and the only home he'd ever known He remembered all the hound dogs and the beagle pup And how they used to lick his face when he was growin' up Billy saw the broken step- paw never did get to it He knew if it was gonna get fixed- he would have to do it And on the front porch was that old rockin' chair Billy in his mind could see maw rockin' there He saw the old tire and rope hangin' from a tree Remembered he started swingin' there 'bout the age of three Billy walked in the woods- he had some time time to kill It was right where paw left it- the old corn-squeezin' still He walked back, went in the house, maw's things was covered in dust Saw the faucets in the kitchen sink- they was beginnin' to rust The house was a little longer than it was wide Paw had done some plumbin'- they didn't have to go outside Nurse was a-cleanin'- gettin things in shape Workin' like superwoman- just didn't have a cape Billy walked through the house- knew it was just a shack But it was his home and he was a gonna come back City Cafe When billy bob went to breakfast- he'd go to the city cafe There was a waitress there that took his breath away Course he had nurse now but he was still free to look And if the waitress gave him one more smile- that'd be all it took She always stopped to talk to him- sometimes she'd even flirt Then she'd smile and walk away with a little wiggle in her skirt Billy had a harley- wanted to take her for a ride But she had a ring on her finger- she was someone elses bride Today she stopped at his table and said with a little pout Billy bob how come it is you never ask me out Billy was taken aback- he pointed to the ring She smiled and then she laughed- that doesn't mean a thing I wear it for the customers- when they ask for a date I point to the ring and say sorry you're too late Billy took her ridin'- they had a lot of fun He was pretty careful that they didn't see no one It was about midnight when he dropped her at her car Figured he had time for one at the old honky tonk bar He had no idea that he shouldn't go Nurse was there a laughin' and dancin' the cotton eye joe He went to give nurse a hug- she began to holler Billy bob didn't know there was lipstick on his collar Irate Woman Billy thought he could keep two girls- he gave it a try But on the very first night- nurse blackened his eye Now he was wearing sunglasses- even late at night He looked like he came out loser in a barroom fight His friends all laughed when nurse hung one on his eye A little lipstick on his collar was the reason why Billy didn't know what he'd done that really was so bad Certainly not enough to make nurse go raving mad Billy thought about it and 'fore he was through He figured you could never tell what an irate woman would do Now she wouldn't talk to him and him being the injured one He hoped it would soon blow over- they'd go back to havin' fun Billy thought in a thousand years he would never know How a woman's mind worked or whatever made it go Should a Stood in Bed Billy had a couple slow weeks- hadn't even had a date 'cept for the gal from the city cafe and she always worked real late then on Friday mornin' nurse gave him a telephone call you'd think from the way she talked there'd been nothin' wrong at all Billy Bob was a smilin'- thought things was goin' good so far He made a date to meet her at the honky tonk bar Now gorgeous was a-packin'- she lived two states away She had tickets to Texas- was goin' to suprise Billy that day Everybody knows that trouble often comes in threes The waitress at the city cafe got off sayin' pretty please Billy in his innocence didn't have a clue so far But they was all a-plannin' to meet him at the honky tonk bar Billy got off work- went home and took a shower He even used deodorant- the one with the extra power He headed for the honky tonk- was gonna meet the nurse Didn't have the faintest idea his day was a-gonna get worse Billy sat by the window where he could watch for nurse He started chucklin' to himself when he thought about the curse Then he saw gorgeous as she parked a rental car And here she was a-comin' right to the honky tonk bar Oh my gosh thought Billy- i gotta get her out of this place If nurse comes in and sees us she's gonna punch my face Billy wanted to take her- almost anywhere But gorgeous had her mind set- she wanted to stay right there Billy was gettin' nervous- knew it wasn't his day When he looked out the window and saw the waitress from the city cafe Then he told gorgeous he had some things to do If she didn't mind a-waitin' he'd be back soon's he was through Billy went out the back as the waitress came in the door The barkeep saw it happenin'- right away knew the score Billy saw nurse a-comin'- ridin' her gold wing Saw his troubles pilin' up- couldn't do a thing Billy Bob pondered- he'd been good- more or less Sure hadn't done nothin' so wrong to deserve this mess Billy looked in the window- his nurse was irate He remembered the last time he was a little bit late Billy wasn't feelin' so good- had an achin' in his head Threw his hands up in the air and went on home to bed And Then There Were None Billy Bob fought his battles- all with the I R S Some he'd win, some he'd lose- each one was a mess Now he was on vacation- riding his Harley and in a hurry He was a-headin' north- a goin' to Missouri His nurse hadn't spoken to him in about 6 months or so He figured he didn't have no choice- he'd have to let her go He'd always figured he and nurse would someday be a team But somewhere along the way the relationship lost its steam What he didn't understand- when a thing like they had ends Why it was the two of them couldn't still be friends Then there was the waitress at the city cafe He stopped one morning for breakfast- they said she'd moved away Now twelve hours on the road- maybe a little more He arrived at Gorgeous's house- knocked on her front door She came to the door- threw it open wide Said I'm sorry Billy- can't ask you to come inside I wrote you all about it just the other day You see I'm gettin' married a week from Saturday That's okay Gorgeous- I'm just passin' through Had a couple extra minutes- thought I'd stop and talk with you Then Billy turned away- wished her a happy life He knew it was a lucky guy, gettin' her for a wife When Billy had three girls, that was lots of fun Now he had lost them all- every single one He had to head for home- it was going to be a long, long ride He knew a steak and french fries wouldn't fill the emptiness inside The Cure Billy Bob got back to town- it had been a long, long ride He was sad and lonely- he had this void inside He was a-gonna go back to work- try to forget them three There were many things to remind him of the way things used to be He didn't feel like goin' home- even after ridin' so far Thought he'd go and claim a stool at the honkeytonk bar. The place was a-jumpin'- the music playin' loud He saw some new, pretty faces in and amongst the crowd When he saw the prettiest one- he decided that he'd stay Figured even an ill wind could blow some good his way The prettiest gal was in the corner- back where the lights were dim She had a great big smile- he thought it was for him He moseyed to her table- asked her if he could sit She said she liked company and wouldn't mind a bit He thought "I hope she don't drink plunder- I've been that route before" She said "I've been drinkin' beer but I don't want no more Is that your beautiful Harley that you parked outside? what I would really like is just a little ride" Billy started grinnin'- grinnin' ear to ear Now he was cured is the way it would appear. Wise or Otherwise Billy Bob met Lisa at the honkytonk- he took her for a ride Right away he fell in love- was a wantin' her for his bride On that wonderful night- they both had so much fun Billy swore then and there she'd be the only one This time things would be different- he was gettin' wise She loved him and his Harley- he could see that in her eyes He'd polished the Harley- was a gettin' ready for their date He was a hurryin'- no way would he be late He was almost ready- things was goin' fine The phone started ringin'- who could be on the line? He picked it up and said "hello"- it was gorgeous doin' the callin' Billy had to brace himself just to keep from fallin' She said "Billy, I'm sorry- I didn't know what to do I just called off the wedding 'cuz I'm still in love with you" Billy was suprised- he thought that they were through But he was pretty confident- he could handle two. Haunted Shack? Billy was back at the old shack – he started reminiscin' Course it was not the same – Maw and Paw were missin' He looked the place over – things were different now He saw dust and cobwebs – things Maw would not allow Things was so much different, yet still so much the same There was Maw and Paw's picture – Paw had made the frame Pots, pans and ladles hung over the kitchen range They were clean and shiny – Billy thought that strange Someone was choppin' wood – sounded like out back Billy went out the front – walked around the shack The axe was leanin' against the stump – there was no one there Then he heard a squeakin' – sounded like Maw's old rockin' chair Billy was puzzled – he stood and shook his head He picked up the axe – put it in the shed He went out front – saw the slowly rockin' chair Looked all around – still nobody there Then he heard choppin' comin' from out back He decided right away it was time to leave the shack He jumped on his Harley wondering what he'd left behind He hoped the wind in his face would help to clear his mind Just what had happened – he really couldn't say But he vowed to bring flowers every Mother's Day.