There are helpers who can understand the pain you are experiencing right now. You may be trying to maintain your outer life as you think it should be lived and seen, but are secretly weighing thoughts of how to end things prematurely. The surges of agony you are experiencing may seem almost unbearable.
Perhaps you are already seeing a therapist or a doctor in person, but you can't bear the thought of telling him or her about your secret feelings or plans. Within you there may be a doubting of your worth, a blank wall where the future used to be. You may have determined to solve your problem in your own way, to carry through with a premature conclusion, despite the consequences for your family and friends.
You may be researching different ways to end your life, hoping for the least amount of pain that will lead to an imagined release into oblivion. You may be deciding upon the best place, and you may be mentally composing the best message to leave behind.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Thousands of people have had feelings like yours. Although some succumbed due to desperation, many others have found ways to cope with such previously unmanageable feelings — and they have created useful, successful, and happier lives out of what could have ended in tragedy.
What did these people do? THEY GOT HELP. They talked to a counselor or doctor or pastor or their parents or trusted friends. Some experienced relief by using prescribed medicines that alleviated feelings of depression, anxiety, and desperation.
As awful as you may feel right now, you still value your life, but you just don't know how to stop the pain. There are ways. By means of some combination of time, counseling, medicine, and planning, you can avoid the desperation of those who, for whatever reasons, don't take that first step forward.
At this very moment you have the option to GET SOME HELP if you have access to a telephone. You can talk with someone at the National Crisis Hotline at 988 or 1-800-784-2433, or Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text or chat at 988lifeline.org.
You don't have to say who or where you are. You can work through your suffering and loss of hope with a person who understands. You can learn about new alternatives that you may not have considered before. Conversations are free and confidential. NOW IS THE BEST TIME.
Your inner pain can become less unbearable if you share your feelings with a helper. Very likely your desperate impulses can be resolved completely after a period of healing. You have much ahead of you, and right now a concerned person is ready to work things through with you on the phone or Internet. Just call, text, or chat.